To do or to have?
Somehow this question has become the philosophical mother of all questions ruling my life… for the longest time I was collecting things (the sexiest shoes, the hippest clothes, the most fantastic tchotchkes that take up a lot of space and require a bigger apartment to house them in…) and I also thought I was doing fantastic things, traveling around, going to the fanciest restaurants and clubs…
But somehow, many years later I found I don’t have anything to show for all those years and I have not lived enough of the experiences I wanted to have. I have been managing very poorly my finances (spending rather than investing) and I have submitted myself to a life of monotony and boredom that has prevented me from enjoying many of the fantastic things I want to experience. I am now in a crossroads in my life in which I must again make that decision: do I want to keep living my monotonous but somehow comfortable life in order to ensure we have enough to spend or do I kick my safety aside and take life by the horns living the life I’ve imagined with my children… I don’t know what the right question is… I have found a weird balance in my life that allows me to spend more time with my children than most of my working mom friends, have a career that many people would envy, live in a city with a lot to offer and enjoy weekends in a country house that allows me to stay in touch with nature. But somehow I feel guilty that I’m not present enough with my children because I’m always running, I lost my lust for my job, I feel like I pay a high premium to live in this city and I don’t have enough time or energy to enjoy its offerings and my weekend house is a constant headache that requires all the work and money in the world to become a finished project.
I already have forgotten what I got for my birthday when I was 27 but I will always remember my 42nd birthday when Mr B and the children rented a boat and we had a picnic at sea followed by a wine tasting tour on the North Fork of Long Island. Or the time I was hugged by a playful and friendly sea lion pup off the coast of Sea of Cortez. Or the sunset walks on the beach we took every day during our “parental leave” in Costa Rica right after A’s birth… this is what makes me richer and cooler than all the designer dresses in the world.
I want to stir everything up and start anew somewhere else… I want to do more and maybe have less. Simplify. I want a minimalistic life that allows me flexibility to move around, respond to life cycles faster, with less drag and in a more nimble manner. I want to sell it all and save that money. Keep a number of basics and move somewhere where I can really enjoy more time being present with my children, I can develop a career in something I love again, live in a place where I can easily afford to enjoy its people and offerings and remain in touch regularly with nature… I want to do more and have less stuff. I wanna invest in the life experiences’ bank.
